‘I need to find a way out of this hell,’ Noah thought for the umpteenth time these last few days, as he was making his way to the big cold area they called the dining quarters. Dining. Right. As if that gunk deserved to be called food.
As usual, the room was already filled with slowly moving habits. Nobody was looking at him. How he hated this place.
He grumbled something when a plate with something that looked like mud and grass was shoved in front of him. If he tried real hard, he could recall the smell of Al’s hamburgers. He even dreamt about Emma’s kitchen. Good memories.
He took a deep breath and forced himself to eat. He needed the nutrients, although he seriously doubted there were any in there. But he needed to keep his strength up. He needed to find his way out of this hell.
So he swallowed on automatic pilot and apparently his disgust was all over his face, because he suddenly noticed the amused eyes in front of him. He was surprised by this token of attention, because nobody had made eye contact with him before. It immediately made him feel less lonely and he tried a small smile.
The dark eyes glimmered, but after a quick nod the man lowered his head again. His focus on his plate.
Before Noah could even think about making contact, his name filled the air.
“Brother Noah,” the soft voice didn’t sound too unfriendly, but the eyes of the speaker were as cold as the room, “After your meal you need to report to the abbot’s office.”
He wasn’t sure what to do. Nobody spoke. Nobody even looked up. He didn’t want to make things worse, but on the other hand…nobody had bothered to share the rules or show him the ropes. That made him feel rebellious.
“Sure,” he said as calmly as possible, “Given that I don’t have much choice in the matter, I will be there.”
At least he wasn’t ignored anymore, but the annoyance that was projected at him, made him feel really uncomfortable. Even the man across the table – who had felt like his only ally – was shaking his head. Damn. He wanted to stand up and to give his frustration a voice. His opposite neighbor seemed to sense it, because he shook his head again, this time making a zipping movement in front of his lips.
Noah took a deep breath and nodded too. He would keep quiet. For now.
The abbot’s office wasn’t very impressive. There was a small book case, a desk and some chairs. The minute he was brought in, he felt even more trapped. The confined space gave him the chills.
“Brother Noah,” a low voice approached him from behind, but before Noah could react, the man had taken a seat in front of him. Shaking hands was apparently too much contact. For some reason Noah felt relief, watching the abbot. The man had a friendly face and his smile seemed genuine.
“Welcome to God’s home.”
Noah almost puked, but forced his face to stay as neutral as possible.
“It takes a lot of courage to sign yourself in. Realizing you hit bottom is always an important first step.”
Signing himself in?
“I didn’t sign…” Noah started and for a moment the abbot frowned, probably irritated by his interrupting. He picked up a piece of paper and showed it to Noah.
“Is this your signature?”
Noah squinted at the paper and had to nod. That was his signature. How…when…?
“We understand you’re still confused,” the man continued in a soothing tone, “but the guidance you’re seeking will be given. The next few weeks we’ll be working together very closely and I’m confident we can give you some solid ground.”
Noah’s first response was ‘I’m fine’, but the moment that thought entered his brain, he also realized it wasn’t true. He wasn’t fine. He hadn’t been fine for a long long time. Maybe even never. That scared him.
“So how long will I have to stay here?”
“For as long as it takes,” the man smiled.
“For as long as what takes?”
“You getting a sense of self again. And believe me… I’ve seen all the tricks out there. I’ll know when you’re trying to pull a fast one over me, so don’t bother. It’s just a waste of my time and yours.”
“But I’m not sure what you expect of me,” Noah frowned. He was ready to jump through every hoop if that would give him a way out of here.
“No expectations,” the man said. “Just be honest. To yourself and to me.”
Noah’s frown deepened. No expectations? Was that even possible?
“How can you reach a goal without any expectations?” It took a lot of control not to snort. Colonel Mayer would have a field day with this guy. No expectations.
“I hope you have some expectations for yourself,” the man smiled, “but I don’t have any. You don’t have to do anything to please me. This is about you. Finding out who you are.”
This time the snorting was unstoppable.
“I know who I am.”
“Well then,” the man leaned back in his chair, “that’s saves us a lot of work. Tell me. Who are you?”
Noah looked at his hands. Suddenly he didn’t feel so sure anymore.
“I’m a man,” he started.
The man in front of him nodded, but didn’t respond.
“I’m a filmmaker.”
This time no nod. The man shook his head.
“That’s what you do. Not who you are.”
Noah frowned. He felt reprimanded and he hated reprimands.
“But don’t worry, most people confuse those things. They let themselves be defined by what they do and what they have.” The man smiled at him. “And that’s why you’re here. We’ll find out. Let me start with a little assignment…”
He shoved some paper and a pen over the desk and Noah took it.
“Please note the five most important people in your life. And take your time. I will be right back.”
Noah let the pen dance on his lips. Five most important people. He knew who put him here. Would he be in even more trouble if he listed Luke? Noah shrugged. The abbot had told him to be honest, so he would be honest.
When he finished his list, he felt confused. Some of the names that had popped up had surprised him.
When the abbot returned and looked over the list, he just nodded and then looked at Noah.
“Okay. Obviously the names don’t tell me anything. Let’s start with your number five. Who is Dr. Reid Oliver?”
