After Reid secured Danny in his seat, he moved himself behind the wheel and watched his son through the rearview mirror.
“Okay back there?”
He smiled when the boy gave him the thumbs up.
“Feels like a long time ago, you and me together…”
“It is, Daddy,” Danny gave him a loving smile.
His memory flashed to that day Danny had tried to worm his way out of his seat, scared to the bone. That day Reid had discovered his own capability to kill. He shook his head and started the car. He didn’t want to go there now.
“We went to Aunt Katie’s,” Danny’s soft voice filled the car and Reid forced himself to nod. So the boy remembered too.
“Yep. The day your Foster Monster was put behind bars.”
Danny nodded, giving a small smile.
“That was a scary time,” Reid maneuvered the car through the gates, “but that’s all behind us now.”
He watched Danny nodding. It didn’t look too convincing. He realized it had been a long time since he had a good heart to heart with his son and he felt like he was out of the loop. So he jumped in.
“How are the nightmares?”
Danny’s smile was bigger when their eyes met in the mirror.
“It’s better.”
“But still there, huh?”
“Sometimes,” Danny shrugged. “It’s okay.”
No, it’s not, Reid silently answered and gave his son a wink.
“I guess the whole thing with Zoë didn’t help either.”
“No.” Danny lowered his head. “That was scary.”
“I know. But that’s behind us too, now.”
“Yeah. And now there’s Gaia.”
Oh boy. Reid noticed he grabbed the wheel a little too tight, so he loosened up.
“You think Gaia is scary?”
It made Danny chuckle.
“Of course not. She is sweet. It’s just…” Danny looked outside, while shrugging. “I don’t know. Nevermind.”
“Hey!” Reid gave him a serious frown. “This is me you’re talking to. Don’t give me a ‘nevermind’, because I mind. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know how to…” Danny took a deep breath. “It’s just… I’m scared she’ll have to leave… so I don’t want to love her too much, you know…”
There was a pain in Danny’s words that directly found its way to Reid’s chest area. Damn. He never realized, but the insecurity about the dog’s future was clearly eating away at Danny.
“I don’t feel safe.”
The whisper made Reid stop the car and turn around in his seat.
“What?”
“I don’t feel safe,” Danny repeated, almost crying. “Every time nice things happen, something bad happens too. Like Zoë. I really like having a sister and then her uncle comes and wants to take her. What if someone comes to take me, Daddy? Or Gaia?”
Reid’s thumb softly wiped away a tear from Danny’s cheek. He understood Danny’s fear completely.
“I know what you mean,” Reid forced himself to stay calm. “I struggle with the same thing.”
That made Danny look up.
“You do?”
“Oh yes. And I think we all do. A large part of my life, my work was my biggest love and the only thing that could really scare me, was the thought of losing my job. But then I met Luke and then the thought of losing him scared me too. And then you came into our lives and the thought of losing you scared me too. And then Zoë came and the thought of losing her scared me too. And that’s just our family. This last year my life has filled with great people and the thought of losing them is very scary.”
Danny was visibly in awe of this revelation.
“Is that why you don’t want to love Gaia?”
Reid smiled and shook his head. “No, that’s a whole other story. I’m just not a pet person, I guess.”
“Oh,” Danny lowered his head again. “But you don’t feel safe too?”
“I do feel safe,” Reid’s brain was working on full speed to find the right words to help this child understand, “because I know a few things for sure.”
Danny was hanging on every word, so Reid continued: “I know that painful things can happen. And will happen. But I know that whatever happens, there will always be people around me who will help me. Who will love me.”
“Like with Zoë,” Danny nodded.
“Exactly. You were there. You know how much help and love there was. So that helps me to feel safe. Another thing I know for sure is that when I focus on the fear of losing one of you, I can’t enjoy our time together. And that would be even more sad. That you are here, but that I don’t enjoy being with you, because I’m afraid I might lose it some day.”
Danny frowned, his little brain almost noticeably trying to make sense of it and it made Reid go even one step further.
“I didn’t always live like this, you know. For a long time I just kept my distance from everybody. If they couldn’t come close, they couldn’t hurt me.”
Something flashed in the small brown eyes and Reid’s heart twitched. Apparently Danny had been thinking about that option.
The boy’s “Did it work?” sounded a little too eager, so Reid made sure his denial was firm and clear.
“No. Because I was very lonely and that’s painful too. It’s like being locked up in a dark room…” he really needed to get through to Danny and he knew this metaphor would reach the boy. And it did. The child paled.
“It is?”
“Yep. There’s no fun, no joy in that place. When I met Luke, he put some light in that room and that beam became bigger and brighter. And yes, there’s a risk of losing it all, but still I wouldn’t go back to that empty dark room. Ever.”
Danny nodded, biting his lip.
“Dark rooms are no fun,” he muttered.
“No, they’re not. And I understand how you feel, sweetie. You’re right…it is scary. But I guess we’ll just have to trust that we’re strong enough to handle every bad situation that comes our way.”
“I’m not sure I am,” Danny whispered and Reid softly tapped him on his knee.
“Are you kidding me? You’re the bravest, toughest kid I’ve ever met, Danny. The hell you’ve been through. And look at you now. You’re doing great and Miss Lydia keeps telling us how incredibly smart you are.”
That made Danny grin a bit. Pride flashed in his brown eyes.
“She did?”
“Oh yes. Every chance she gets,” Reid overstated with a smile. “And I watched you during the whole Zoë thing…you were fantastic.”
“I was?”
“You sure were. So you can trust yourself, Danny. You’re tough. Whatever happens, you’ll find a way to handle it.”
For a moment they just stared at each other and when Danny saw Reid’s honesty and conviction, he nodded.
“Okay. I’ll tell myself that when I get scared again.”
“You do that,” Reid tapped the small knee again. “Feeling better?”
“Much,” Danny gave him a huge smile. “I could eat.”
“That’s my boy…” Reid gave him a wink and then turned back and started the car again. “Let’s get some food.”
