So this is what inner peace feels like.
Reid looked up and watched Luke working on this laptop next to him. Concentrating, his lips silently forming the words he was typing, his hand brushing away a blond lock from his face. Reid smiled. He could feel a wave of warmth finding its way from his toes to the top of his head, but it didn’t scare him. Not anymore. Not here. Not with this man.
Luke felt he was being watched, turned his head and smiled at Reid.
“What?”
“Nothing, just enjoying my view.”
Luke’s smile grew bigger. “That’s good.”
Reid nodded. “It is. It’s a great view.”
Luke gave him a kiss on his hair.
“Thanks. But stop distracting me. I need to finish this email and then I’m done for the day.”
“Okay,” Reid kissed Luke’s upper arm and returned to his magazine.
As always, he picked up on Luke’s insecurities. Without looking up, he said lovingly: “I said it’s okay, Luke. I’m not moping. I’m giving you the space to do what you have to do.”
From the corner of his eye he could see Luke smiling and nodding, getting back to his email. Good.
“There.” Luke looked pleased with his work, but before he could close the lid of his laptop, Reid placed his hand on his.
“Please don’t close it. I’d like to have a look at security systems and we need to find someone who can put a lock on that outbuilding.”
Luke compressed his lips and Reid raised an eyebrow.
“What? Bad idea?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just…”
“Ah, let me guess,” Reid’s voice was friendly, “It’s that old devil called embarrassment again, right? The fact we feel the need for security to keep your parents out?”
Luke gave him a hint of a smile.
“Something like that.”
“I understand,” Reid admitted, to Luke’s surprise. “And we could focus on the embarrassment and change nothing, or we could accept this situation and act on it.”
“Can’t I do both?” Luke grinned.
“You can do whatever you like, my love,” Reid put his magazine on his nightstand and pointed at the laptop, “as long as you find us a great security system in the meantime.”
As he watched Luke finding his way on the internet, he noticed something.
“You’re only looking at local companies?”
Luke nodded.
“I will broaden my search if we don’t find it here, but yes, I always start looking close by.”
“Specific reason?”
“Several,” Luke gave him a quick smile. “Partly because of my well-known extreme loyalty. This way our own community will benefit. But when I order locally, they don’t have to travel far, so less fuel needed and all that,” his hand movements didn’t really make sense, but were fun to look at, “so it’s the ecologically correct thing to do.”
He intercepted Reid’s look and felt a little defensive.
“What? You don’t agree?”
“You know I do. We’ve implemented a lot of environment-conscious solutions at the neuro wing and we were always on the same page on that one. I’m just pleasantly surprised you apply your green thinking to choices like buying a security system.”
Luke smiled.
“So you approve?”
“You don’t need my consent, Luke. We’re equal partners. But for the record: I not only approve, but also applaud this.”
“Good then,” Luke looked a little timid, “I will get this whole codependency thing figured out someday, I promise.”
“That’s perfectly fine. Just be yourself.”
When Reid saw Luke tear up, he pulled his head towards him and kissed him softly.
“I love you, Luke. With all the history, all the baggage, all the mistakes, all the weaknesses. I love you, including all of it. Never forget that.”
Luke put Reid’s head between his hands and while kissing him, his tears reached their lips. With one swift move, Luke closed his laptop and put it beside him. Giving himself the freedom to move closer to Reid.
Home. He was home!
***
“Are you guys home? Are you up for some company? Can I come by?”
Katie’s voice sounded cheerful enough, but Reid could hear between the lines.
“I’ll check with Luke, hold on.”
He covered the phone with his hand.
“It’s Katie. I think she needs to be around some good friends…”
“I’d love to see her. And I’ll handle the security guys, when they arrive.”
Reid nodded and confirmed to Katie she was very welcome. She sounded relieved.
“Great, Reid. Jacob is at the sitter’s, so I can leave immediately. See you later.”
Luke had hardly enough time to start the coffee, before the buzzer sounded. This time Reid knew where to go and what to do.
“Goldilocks! Welcome!”
He could hear her chuckle and pushed the key button to let her in.
Waiting in the doorway, he was in the perfect position to catch her, when she almost dropped herself in his arms. He didn’t say a word, closed the door, helped her out of her coat, held her close and brought her into the living room. The cosy environment made her sigh.
“Oh guys, this is perfect,” she chose the sofa closest to the fireplace and although she was fighting them, Reid could see tears in the corner of her eyes. He knew the drill by now. He sat next to her, put his arm around her shoulders, she leaned closer and yep, out they came. He stroked her arm softly and waited till she calmed down.
Luke joined them with coffee, kissed Katie on her hair and sat on a chair. He remembered seeing Reid and Katie together for the first time. He was shocked about their laidback friendship, simply because – at that point – he didn’t know Reid had it in him. Well, Reid had proven him wrong about that. Luke smiled at the couple on the couch. Reid had proven him wrong on a lot of earlier assumptions.
They drank their coffee in silence and when Katie started to talk, their gate bell interrupted her. Luke jumped up, blew them a kiss and went outside.
“We’re getting a security system,” Reid explained. “Apparently a gate is not enough to keep out unwanted visitors with family names like Snyder and Grimaldi.”
“I’ve heard,” Katie said softly, “You’re having a…”
“We’re doing fine,” Reid interrupted, “and you aren’t. So talk to me.”
And she did. Well, she made an effort. After the first four words – “I don’t know anymore…” – she started crying again.
This time Reid had something to go on.
“Okay. You don’t know what anymore?”
“Why I felt Chris could be my future,” Katie sniffed.
“You got me up a stump on that one,” Reid smiled. “I never understood what you saw in him.”
“I know,” Katie cried, “I’m terrible with men.”
“No, you’re not. You were great with Brad.”
Katie nodded and looked up to him.
“I wish you two could have met. But it does prove my point, because he turned out to be the love of my life, but it took him a long time to sweep me off my feet. I just don’t know what’s good for me, I guess.”
She took another sip of her coffee and looked around.
“You don’t seem to have that problem and I’m happy for you. I truly am.”
“I know you are,” Reid smiled, “but aren’t you conveniently forgetting something?”
“What do you mean?”
“You were there, Katie. You’ve seen the struggle, the frustration, the desperation…Luke and I didn’t get here floating on a pink cloud. It was a tough road. And there were times I didn’t know if it would go anywhere. Many times, I might add.”
Katie looked at him. He was right. For some reason she’d blocked Reid’s agony, his doubts, his pain, from her memory.
“So what are you saying? I should hang in there? Like you did?”
“I don’t know. For me there was no real choice. I kept trying, because stepping away was not an option. And believe me, a couple of times I came very close. But that was my pain talking. My fear. Somehow I knew it could be… well, as it is now… and I needed to give it my best shot or I would have lived with regrets my whole life. So I guess that’s what you need to ask yourself: do you really have a choice?”
Before she could answer, Luke came back in. She watched how he softly caressed Reid’s hair when he passed the couch and the smile they exchanged filled her heart.
“Don’t tell me they are done already.”
“Nope, but they don’t need me looking over their shoulder, so I left them to it. We do have a lock on that outbuilding now. That didn’t take him very long to fix.”
Reid nodded. “That’s a comforting thought. Are you sure you didn’t lock anyone in?”
Luke chuckled. “If only. But no, the place was empty.”
He looked at Katie. “I hope I didn’t interrupt. If you want me to leave…”
“Of course not, silly. Please stay.” She took a deep breath. “Reid and I are comparing notes and he pointed out to me that you two didn’t get here,” she pointed at the ground, “without a struggle. And how he didn’t really had a choice. How he just had to keep trying.”
“I’m very grateful for his determination,” Luke acknowledged. “I gave him a hard time and caused a lot of pain. Not intentionally, of course, but that’s not the point. I still can’t believe he stuck to his guns. But I’m very glad he did.” The way he looked at Reid underlined his words. This was a man, deeply in love.
“Okay,” Katie contemplated, “So now I’m trying to match both your experiences with my situation… Reid asked me, before you came back, if I really have a choice to step away. Would I regret it for the rest of my life, if I would stop it now…and everything inside of me is yelling: yes, you would regret it.”
“There you go, then,” Reid rubbed her shoulder, “At least now you know you need to hold on.”
“But he can be so…” Katie made a face and a strangle motion and they laughed.
“I know the feeling,” Luke grinned, “but comparing your situation with our start-up phase, I do feel for Chris, because he’s obviously playing my part. So the important thing to find out: do you think it’s Chris’ intention to hurt you?”
“No,” the answer was very firm, “I’m sure about that. But he can be so immature.”
“Maybe that’s what makes him a good pediatrician,” Reid suggested.
“But to be honest, Katie…” Luke hesitated, took a deep breath and continued: “So was Brad. And you grew to love that part of him.”
Katie stared at him, while her eyes filled up with tears again.
“You’re so right about that. I hadn’t made that connection, but it’s absolutely true…” She smiled through her tears, “And it’s one of the things I miss the most, right now. When I got in a state about something, he had this way of simplifying it. Because he didn’t like to approach anything as a problem.”
“Doogie is taking that to the extreme, though,” Reid had to say and Katie agreed immediately.
“Absolutely. But I do think this whole illness is changing him. Maybe it will make him find a balance.”
“Can you deal with his dishonesty, though…” Luke looked her straight in her eyes.
“Wow, I almost forgot about the Snyder Straightforwardness,” Katie laughed, “You pack quite a punch, Luke. And I know that’s what I need right now, so thank you. And to be honest… This whole illness thing was a huge lie that stirred up a lot of other lies. And I’m not trivializing that. But he’s honest about his feelings. Isn’t that the most important part?”
“I can’t answer that for you,” Luke smiled. “That’s your decision to make. For me, Reid’s honesty is the absolute foundation of our relationship. I don’t have to second-guess anything and that’s a valuable gift. It makes me feel secure. Respected. I know Brad gave you that too. I wouldn’t settle for anything less.”
“But what if Chris doesn’t have that in him?” Katie looked worried.
“He does,” Reid stated. “We all do. It’s a choice, not a talent. Just tell the truth as you see it. It will not always let you win the Most Loved Person Award, but it will give you peace of mind and heart. When you’re true to yourself, the opinions of others will lose their power over you. As they should.”
A knock on the door breached their intense conversation and Luke jumped up. “I think the security guys are ready. I’ll check.”
Reid watched him leave and his love for Luke was still in his eyes when he turned back to Katie.
She smiled. “So you really think I could have something like you’re having?”
Reid shook his head. “Nope, I’m not sharing Luke.”
She softly hit his stomach. “You know what I mean.”
“I know you can. I’m not sure it can happen with Chris, but I do realize I’m biased. But if you’re honest and don’t let Chris get away with anything less, you’ll find out soon enough if you can make it happen.”
Katie nodded. “I can work with that.” She leaned back and smiled at Reid. “I’m so glad I came.”
“So am I.”
Hearing the front door open and close, they both welcomed Luke back with a smile.
“All done?”
“Yep.” He showed a little black box. “This is like a remote control. We can set the alarm with it and shut it off. It’s a silent alarm and there’s a direct connection with the security company, so if someone is trespassing, they will be here within minutes.”
“Good,” he removed his arm and looked at Katie and Luke.
“What can I get you both?”
“If I’m not overstaying my welcome or overstepping your privacy, I would really like to see more of this house.”
“But of course!” Luke sprang to his feet, “Gladly!”
“You two go ahead, I’m make the drinks,” Reid smiled.
He enjoyed Katie’s ecstatic remarks about the kitchen and their huge dining room table, but he also enjoyed the relative stillness around him when Luke went to show the rest of the house. With the ordered drinks before him on the counter, he looked outside and smiled. Even with all the drama going on, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. He had seen his interaction with Luke through Katie’s eyes today and he’d liked what he saw. And what he’d heard.
“It makes me feel secure. Respected.”
This whole relationship adventure was getting better and better.
