When he walked to the front door, Luke was already waiting for him and without a word he stepped into the house, registered that Luke closed the door and took off his coat. Reid then just let himself be encompassed by love.
As always, Luke’s embrace made him feel somewhat human again.
“My dad is here,” Luke whispered and Reid nodded.
“I know. Seth told me.”
“You want a beer?”
“Great. I’m gonna check on the kids and be down soon.”
This time Luke was the one nodding and he watched how Reid climbed the spiral staircase. Slowly, his head bowed. In spite of all their gratefulness that the little deceased boy wasn’t Jacob, it was still a little deceased boy and Luke knew his doctor. He knew how this affected Reid.
“Is he okay?” Holden frowned when Luke walked into the living room, handing his father a beer and putting down a bottle on the table in front of him.
“He will be,” Luke gave his dad a quick smile. “He just needs some time to put it all in perspective.”
“You’re very much alike in that way,” Holden concluded and after seeing Luke’s confused expression, he continued, “You’re both very caring and you both want to save everybody in sight and if you can’t, you need time to deal with that.”
Luke had to admit his dad had a point. They both did show some signs of a Savior Syndrome, in a way.
“A lot of people don’t think of Reid as caring, but you’re absolutely right. He really is.”
“All you have to do is look into his eyes,” Holden shrugged, “Iva made a comment about that tonight.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, apparently your mother had given her an earful over the last few months, but Iva couldn’t believe you would commit to someone as closed off and cold as your mother had described Reid.”
“So Aunt Iva,” Luke never felt comfortable calling her grandmother, “has more faith in me than my own mother.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Iva did tell me that your mother’s reports were far more positive the last few weeks.”
“I’m glad,” Luke smiled, “and apparently Aunt Iva liked what she saw too?”
“She did,” Holden took a sip of his bottle, “She liked the way he looked at you. And to be honest…I didn’t expect anything else. The love is very evident between the two of you. There’s nothing not to like.”
“There are hordes of homophobes ready to disagree with that,” another male voice concluded and both men shook hands.
“Thanks for helping Luke out with the kids.”
“No problem,” Holden smiled, watching Reid dropping himself next to Luke, kissing the blond’s temple and putting his arm around him, pulling him close. Yep. The love was very evident indeed.
“They were a little upset when you left in a hurry, but they already understand the whole doctor and emergency concept, because they accepted it pretty fast.”
“I assume they were both asleep?” Luke nestled even closer to Reid’s chest and smiled when he felt a kiss on top of his head.
“Yep. Looking like angels.”
“It was a sad turn of events,” Holden shook his head, “What a relief that it wasn’t Jacob.”
“It was,” Reid agreed, “but still sad.” He remembered the small dead body very well.
“The loss of life is always sad,” Luke whispered and he could feel Reid nod against his hair.
“It is. But a small kid like that…” Reid sighed, “brings back all the fear of losing the ones you love.”
“Yeah, that’s a constant in everyone’s life,” Holden shook his head for a moment, “That fear is always present in the back of your mind. Many people suffer the most by the suffering that they fear.”
It made Reid look up and he found Holden smiling at him. “Especially as a father, that fear can be tormenting. On one hand this primal responsibility to keep your children safe and on the other hand a world that isn’t safe.”
“How do you deal with that?”
“You just do the best you can,” Holden shrugged. “Like when Luke was kidnapped. There are no manuals for that. I just went with my gut and let my love for Luke point the way. And we were lucky. We got out safe. But at other times I couldn’t rescue Luke. And that’s devastating, mostly because you have to admit as a father that you have no control. That feels like failure. But it’s not. It’s life. Luke made his decisions and all I could do was be there for him. And I tried to do that. I also know I made some huge mistakes, but again that’s part of life.”
Luke rose to his feet, gave Holden a kiss on his hair and collected the empty beer bottle.
“Want another one?”
“If I’m not overstaying…”
“You’re not,” Reid assured him, handing over his bottle too and collecting a quick kiss from his lover.
“The thought of not being able to protect them…” Reid shook his head.
“I know. But you can protect them. By showing them the skills they’ll need to protect themselves. The sad part is, that I’m starting to realize that just recently. That it’s about showing them, I mean. I did teach my kids some skills, but then I went out and didn’t use those tools myself. It made my advice unreliable. It made me untrustworthy. And it left my children confused.”
“Luke is an incredible young man, so don’t sell yourself so short,” Reid offered. “You must have done a lot of things right too.”
“Thanks,” Holden accepted the beer, but the way he smiled at Reid made clear he was responding to Reid’s comment.
“I just want to say that I’m extremely proud of you both. The way you’re handling yourselves as fathers. Thrown into the deep, but swimming like pros. When we heard Danny in court * telling the judge that he would tell how he felt, not what he thought the judge wanted to hear…” Holden swallowed at the memory, “that was such a testament to your fatherhood. And it sends a strong message. Don’t teach your children what to think, but how to think. So there’s no doubt in my mind that you are raising two very balanced, confident, strong human beings.”
“I hope so,” Reid’s whisper revealed he was moved, “But I appreciate you saying this.”
“You’re welcome. I wanted to tell you both for quite some time, but the timing was never right. And now it was. It’s one of my New Year’s resolutions. To speak my mind. Or my heart, in this case.”
“That’s a good life principle,” Luke smiled and when Holden stood up, he mirrored the motion.
“It is. And now I’m gonna leave you two to it.”
“Okay Dad. Thanks for everything,” Luke gave him a big hug and Holden shook Reid’s hand again.
“My pleasure. I’ll see you next Saturday.”
Seeing Reid’s questioning look, Luke explained: “Next week my dad will start with Danny’s first riding lesson.”
“If he bonded with Dawn,” Holden finished Luke’s words, “but I don’t really doubt that he did.”
“They are beautiful together,” Luke assured his father. “He has a natural way with horses. It’s very special to see that. Now I know how you must have felt. Me, not being your biological child, but sharing a passion that underlines a special connection.”
“Exactly,” Holden pulled Luke in for another hug. “It’s special. And I’m looking forward to witnessing it between you and your boy.”
While Luke gave his father a send-off, Reid stretched on the couch and closed his eyes. He noticed he could sense Luke’s approach without actually hearing him and it made him smile.
“What are you smiling at?” Luke made himself comfortable in Reid’s arms.
“How I can feel you,” Reid softly said. “Just now. I didn’t hear you, but I could feel you coming closer. It’s a nice feeling. Like all my antennas are fine-tuned to pick up your signals.”
“I like that,” Luke growled contently. “So tell me…what are my signals telling you right now?”
That was easy. “That you want to be naked with me.”
Luke chuckled. “I guess I’m signaling that 24/7.”
“I know you are,” Reid sighed excessively. “You’re inexhaustible.”
“And incredible.”
“Inapprehensible.”
“Incommensurable.”
Reid smiled at that one. “True.” He softly pinched Luke’s chin, pulling his face in for a lazy kiss that turned deep and passionate within minutes.
When their eyes locked, Reid pulled away long enough to put in the last word.
“Indescribable.”
