After spending time with Katie and Simon, Reid needed some fresh air and he decided to take a walk. Looking at all the building material in a corner behind the house, he smiled. He knew Luke was anxiously waiting for the weather to warm up so their outbuildings could be constructed, but personally Reid wasn’t in a rush to go back to all the noise. He took a deep breath and noticed the singing of a bird, the smell of the trees and… he sniffled and pulled a face.
A soft neigh reached his ear and instinctively he started walking towards the sound.
When he realized what he was doing, he felt a bolt of guilt. He knew Danny wanted nothing more than to share this moment with him, but for some reason Reid walked on. Alone. He wanted to do this alone.
He was spotted the minute he turned the corner. The red manes flew up and down as Handsome was moving his head. Like he was nodding. Yes yes yes, I’ve been waiting for you!
“Hey you,” Reid felt his mouth smiling. Why was he smiling?
The horse let out his familiar snort as an answer. Hey to you too.
“Luke tells me you’re doing fine out here.” Why was he talking to this animal?
Handsome started moving his head again. Yes yes yes.
“And you get along with that little companion of yours?”
On cue Dawn stepped out of the stable and stopped a few feet away from him.
Handsome had watched her movements and then turned to Reid again. No snorting. No head banging. The big black eyes gleamed lovingly.
Reid looked at the horse’s nostrils, remembering how soft this skin had felt. So cautiously he reached out a finger and softly touched the nose. When Handsome didn’t move, Reid felt a little more confident and stepped closer. He could feel the warm breath now.
“You’re soft,” Reid mumbled, moving his hand up on Handsome’s head. Their eyes locked again. How long had he been standing there, looking this horse in the eye? He lost track of time. He only knew he felt himself relax. He almost felt like…
He stepped a little closer and let his forehead rest on the massive jaw. The horse was warm. The thought of germs demanded his attention, but he would take a shower when he got home. No panic.
All the tension, all the frustration, all his worrying about Katie, about Jacob…he felt his body let it all go. Like doing yoga. But all he did was lean his head against a horse. Was this the magic Luke had been talking about? The healing energy he had been raving about?
Reid pulled his head away, but his hand kept touching the reddish brown skin. Handsome started to look a little drowsy, like he was enjoying this too. As if Reid’s presence was relaxing Handsome too.
The moment was interrupted by a little bleep from his phone.
– Where R you?
– Stables
Reid smiled when it stayed quiet for a while. Luke was probably in shock. His answer made Reid laugh out loud.
– Why?
– No clue
– R you OK?
– Getting there. Home soon.
– OK. Take your time. LY
– LY2
Reid put the phone back in his pocket and turned to Handsome again.
“Thank you.”
The horse just looked at him. Alert again. The big eyes all shiny and intense.
“I’ll be back,” Reid couldn’t believe he just said that, but the minute the words got out, he knew it was true. He would be back. He felt absolutely no desire to climb on this animal’s back, but standing here with him. Feeling the skin, the warmth, the energy…yeah, this was nice.
Handsome let out a soft snort. Finally he gets it.
Reid smiled, softly stroking the brown skin one more time.
“See you around, Handsome,” Reid turned to the little pony at the stables, “and you too, little one.”
Shaking his head, Reid turned back to make his way home. God, what a softy he turned out to be. He smiled. He liked that softness. True, it made him feel much more than he wanted to feel. Jacob’s kidnapping hurt him deeply. Katie’s pain cut in even deeper. It had made him long for Dallas Days. No feelings. Just doing his job. Saving lives. It had made him try to shut down. To push all that connection out of his heart. Who needed this pain? It had made him go out on his own. Trying to get back his sanity. His distance. To close off. Back to being frozen, just like the ground under his feet, so nothing could be built on it.
Until he encountered this horse, that somehow reminded him of himself. The horse had been glad to see him, even though Reid had ignored him all this time. The horse had made a connection, even though Reid had been reluctant. The horse had reminded Reid how powerful connecting could be, as if he knew Reid needed that confirmation more than anything right now.
And then Luke had texted and he had felt all that love again. And he knew. Yes, that pain still sucked, but feeling wasn’t only about pain. If he would disconnect again – assuming that was even possible at this point – he would not only cast out the pain, but also the love. Seeing the house brought a tingle to his chest. How could he cast out the love? So he would take the pain. He could take it. But this time he wouldn’t let it close him down, like he did when he was a little boy. This time he would let it open him up more. By sharing the pain.
Luke. Just his name made Reid feel happy. He needed to talk to Luke.
