“…reported that he returned home. So I want you to tell me what you want me to do now, Luke.”
Damian seemed at ease, leaning back in the chair, but Luke knew his father very well. He was anxious.
“Relax,” Luke softly said, putting the coffee in front of the man, and Damian gave him a crooked grin.
“I just don’t want to mess up anything,” Damian shrugged. “Not just for me, but your mother will skin me alive if I do something to alienate you again.”
Luke couldn’t help himself. He had to laugh out loud.
“Well, maybe that’s the only big stick that could keep you in line,” he sniggered and Damian chuckled.
“You may be right,” he said in all honesty. “Your mother and I have found some common ground and it’s working very well, I must say. I don’t want to lose that. As you know, I’ve always loved your mother.”
“To the point of obsession,” Luke calmly said and Damian smiled. He liked how Luke spoke his mind.
“To the point of obsession,” Damian agreed. “That’s my pitfall. But maybe it’s under control now, because it’s all relaxed and easy.”
“Because there are no direct threats to your relationship,” Luke said. “The real challenge will come if someone goes after my mom.”
This time it was Damian who laughed out loud.
“You’re very right, my son. That would bring the scheming out…Fortunately there are no competitors in sight. Holden and Molly are doing great, Janet and Dusty are still very committed…”
“That’s putting it outside yourself,” Luke took a sip of his coffee, “The problem is your obsessiveness, not the competitors.”
Damian swallowed. He knew Luke was right. Of course he knew. But he still had trouble looking at it. Mainly because his obsessiveness was just the exterior. The feelings underneath it were dark and scary.
“Putting it outside myself makes it easier to deal with,” Damian forced a smile and Luke nodded. He could see he was entering emotional territory, but if his father was serious about his continuous declarations of making amends, this talk would be a good start.
“It is. And I can tell it’s uncomfortable to talk about,” Luke gave his father a quick smile, “but if we’re ever gonna have something worthwhile, everything should be open for discussion. Well, bedroom stuff not included.”
“That’s a relief,” Damian teased and they both chuckled, “and you’re right. It is uncomfortable to talk about, but you can ask me anything, Luciano. Your mother and I haven’t been living on a foreign planet. We’ve noticed how mature you are. Maybe you feel you’ve been mature for a long time, but…”
Luke shook his head.
“No, I know what you mean. Being with Reid motivates me to tap into the adult behavior. It was already there, but for some reason I never used it. I think I just accepted the ruling assumption that I had nothing useful to contribute.”
Damian nodded, remembering their conversation in the hospital*.
“I’m extremely happy to see you so confident and grounded.”
“Grounded is a good word,” Luke said, sipping his coffee, “Because I trust my foundation. My talks with Dr. Michaels help a lot to make me see how solid that foundation is. I always focused on the mistakes I made…”
“Excuse me for interrupting, but Noah had a lot to do with that focus.”
“He did, but it’s still my focus. Dr. Michaels has an interesting theory. She says that every external situation is a reflection of something internal.”
Damian finished his coffee and looked confused. “I don’t understand. Noah put you down, because that’s how you felt about yourself?”
“Basically that’s it. According to her it’s all cause and effect and let me warn you…don’t start this topic with Reid if you’re not really interested, because he’s an expert on Einstein.”
They both chuckled and then Luke continued: “But her theory is that you will experience the intention you put out and the outside world reflects what’s happening inside. I felt unworthy and I attracted people who reflected my unworthiness. So I could make a choice: agree with the reflecting or realize I am worthy.”
“What comes around, goes around,” Damian mumbled.
“Exactly. And for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”
“You’re quoting Bible verses now?” Damian frowned teasingly.
Luke grinned. “Well, Dr. Michaels did. Just to show it’s not a new theory.”
“That doesn’t make it true.”
“It’s not about right or wrong,” Luke smiled, “but we’ve started to examine my life events with this theory and it does make sense.”
“So now you’re blaming yourself for everything that happened,” Damian snorted.
“It’s not about blame, it’s about taking responsibility. And I’m not suggesting that I understand every situation, but I do use it to see what it wants to tell me. It makes me feel more in control. I’m not a victim. Everything is connected. That feels safe.”
“Well, you know my life story…” Damian pulled a face, “With my mother Orlena, who wasn’t my real mother after all, just to name one incident. I’ve been deceived from day one, basically. So how am I responsible for that?”
“Do I look like Dr. Michaels?” Luke smiled. “But off the top of my head, I’d say that those circumstances gave you a certain starting point so you could experience the difference between honesty and dishonesty. Let’s take my starting point. I grew up in a family with two parents who claimed they loved each other madly, but still ended up having relationships with other people and a biological father that franticly tried to keep me safe, but caused a lot of terror and threat in the process.”
Damian swallowed, but didn’t react, so Luke continued, using Damian’s own words by choice: “So I’ve been confused from day one, basically. And that confusion made me look for safety nets. It made me sensitive to the confusion of others. I created ways to soothe my sisters and brother when there was yet another crisis. I used it to get in touch with my strength, but it also ate away my self-confidence. So there are uplifting effects and demolishing effects. And it’s my responsibility what effects I focus on.”
Damian nodded. He never liked this therapy talk, but somehow Luke made it palpable.
“As it is my responsibility to focus on trust, not deceit.”
“Exactly. And as we’ve experienced that doesn’t mean bad things stop happening. Or as Reid likes to say: the happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.”
“Reid is a wise man.”
“That is he,” Luke smiled, as he always did when he talked – or thought – about his man.
“Do you at least believe I honestly acclaim your relationship with him?”
Luke could be very honest about that. And he was.
“Yes, I do. We both do. I had a talk with mom the other day and I could also tell that she’s totally onboard now. And I’m glad. We’re also grateful for the way you handled the whole Laker thing.”
“I was so tempted to do some serious harm,” Damian admitted, “but I guess that’s what you meant just now…I realized I would only destroy my chances with you and your mom, so I decided to keep it legal and tried to find some ways to work my magic.”
Luke laughed. “Well, you did. The Grimaldi name goes a long way, that much is clear.”
“And all I did was buy a house and make sure my name was mentioned as your father. I was hoping that would stir up enough trouble.” Damian looked very pleased with himself. “So tell me…what do you want me to do?”
“Could you hang onto the house? Don’t have your goons living there, but who knows… maybe we could use it as a holiday house. So Zoë can spend some time with her uncle if she wants to.”
“What?” Damian sprang up, “are you out of your mind?”
Luke smiled calmly. “I’m not talking about this year. But we put Zoë’s needs first…if she feels the need to see her uncle, I want to be able to give her that. But I won’t let her out of my sight for a moment.”
“You must have this forgiving side from your mother…I don’t get it,” Damian shook his head.
“It’s that same forgiving side that puts you here at my kitchen table,” Luke sounded firm and Damian nodded.
“You’re right. I’m the last one to pass judgment.”
“None of us should,” Luke shrugged. “We make mistakes. That’s life.”
“You’re a wise man too,” Damian stood up and Luke surprised him by coming up to him for a short but genuine hug.
“Thanks. I’m glad we’re on speaking terms.”
“Me too, Luciano. And can I take a peek at the puppies before I leave? I had to promise your mother I’d take a picture of them.”
“Of course.”
Luke felt a little tense when he opened the door to the scullery. Dogs had a great character antenna. Gaia’s reaction to Damian would be telling. He stepped aside and let Damian walk in a little. The brown Doberman tilted her head for a moment and then went back to sleep. It made Luke smile. Maybe he could trust his father after all.
