****PG13****
He’d lost all understanding of time. He wasn’t even aware of the falling water. He just enjoyed the warmth, because inside he felt cold. Very cold.
He was a little startled by the two arms coming out of nowhere, but he smiled at Luke’s soft “Hey Hottie.”
He wished he was. Hot. He shivered.
“I’m cold.”
“I know.”
And Luke did know. This wasn’t new. This was Reid after concentrating too long and at the end losing the battle. Losing his patient. Luke pulled himself closer, without making it sexual. He was holding Reid. He had his back. Literally. For now this was what Reid needed. He didn’t talk. He didn’t comfort. He just held him.
Minutes passed and then Reid started to talk. Whisper, to be exact.
“I was so close.”
“I know.”
Gwen had filled Luke in. How she and Reid had lunch, but had to break it off because of an emergency. School bus. Again. It had catapulted Luke back to that day before his life had changed.* That day before Reid had suggested to move in together. That day before they had made love for the very first time. That day Reid jokingly referred to as ‘The day before we came’.
That day Reid had saved a little girl. Today he couldn’t. Today the life of an eleven year old boy ended on his operating table. So Reid needed time.
Luke knew Reid had been screaming in the car. His voice had been rasping when he’d walked in. After a short greeting, Reid had made his way upstairs. Both kids were already sleeping, but Luke knew Reid just wanted to see them. To make sure they were okay. In the meantime Luke had done some chores. He had cleaned up the crate – boy, those puppies made a mess – he had taken Gaia for a short walk – with the door ajar, so she could hear her kids – and he had closed the doors for the night. He knew Reid’s rituals. After hearing him coming down the stairs again, he heard a door. Reid’s office door. Yoga time.
Luke had made some drinks and when he’d heard the shower start, he had brought the drinks to the bedroom and undressed himself. Now he could step in. Literally. So he held Reid, while his man was finding his balance again.
“His parents…” Reid shook his head. Having kids of his own now had made him more sensitive to their pain. He had been so close to losing a daughter himself. He knew their pain. He could even feel their pain. And they had been so brave. Almost loving towards him.
“We’ve prayed for you and your family, Doctor,” the woman had sniffled. “We’re grateful your daughter is staying.”
As usual he had felt really uncomfortable, not really knowing what to say to ease her pain. Then he’d realize he couldn’t. Regardless of what he’d say, he would never be able to ease her pain. So he’d just said what he felt.
“I wish I could have saved your boy.”
“Me too,” the woman had cried.
“We know you gave it your all, Doctor,” the man had mumbled.
They had been so kind. His hand hit the tiles.
“Life can be so cruel.”
“I know.”
Luke started rubbing some soap over Reid’s tense muscles and smiled when he felt the response. Reid’s body started to relax and he began leaning into Luke.
“I’m so tired.”
“I know.”
After rinsing them both down, Luke turned off the shower. The huge towels were already within reach, waiting on the radiator, and the warm cloth around his body made Reid sigh.
“This is good.”
“Good,” Luke smiled, wrapping himself in a towel too and then supporting Reid to his side of the bed. Luke loved how Reid totally surrendered at moments like this. As independent and proud as he was, Reid could completely immerse in Luke’s care. He allowed himself to lean on Luke. To trust someone else. Luke knew the significance of it and it filled him with pride and love.
“You lay down,” Luke whispered and while nodding, Reid quietly followed instructions. He softly played with some blond locks after Luke had nestled himself against him.
“How was your day?”
Luke smiled. He knew this was Reid’s way to go back to normal, so he told him some funny anecdotes with the kids, he told him about the puppies and Gaia, he told him about the horses, he told him about the call from his mother and how happy it made him. How she was doing better and how they had a loving conversation. How she finally was treating him as an adult. He told him about the talk with Seth and how pleasantly surprised his uncle had been to hear about Gaia’s new home. He told him about the research he had done on the internet, but how he couldn’t find any record of someone missing a brown Doberman.
Reid smiled. Even lying in bed, he felt some solid ground again. He was part of something bigger. He started to realize that more and more, living here with Luke and discovering the strength of the foundation they’d created together. He was loved and he loved. It was a powerful safety net.
“Thanks for taking so good care of me,” Reid whispered as he kissed Luke’s temple.
“My pleasure,” Luke leaned up a little, so he could kiss Reid on the lips. “If you play your cards right, I could take it even a little further.”
Reid’s answer was in his eyes. The blue turned a little darker.
“You know I never say ‘no’ to an offer like that.”
“Oh really?” Luke teasingly raised his eyebrow and Reid growled for a moment.
“…when the offer is made by you,” Reid completed his sentence and Luke rewarded him by letting his tongue dance over Reid’s lips.
Before Luke could do more, Reid’s hands on his cheeks made him look at Reid and they both smiled when their eyes met.
“I love you.”
“I know,” Luke smiled, “I love you too.”
“I know,” Reid’s thumb caressed Luke’s chin, “And I’m glad you do. This whole thing with Zoë… we each had our own way of dealing with it and we made it through. I’m glad.”
“Me too,” Luke moved a curl from Reid’s forehead. “I kept my focus on the love. It’s my anchor.”
“I know,” Reid whispered, looking at Luke’s lips, “Mine too.”
It took Luke – seemingly – forever to lower his head and make contact and when their playful battle of the tongues turned into something deep and passionate, Reid took Luke’s head in his hands again.
“You’re so beautiful.”
Luke smiled and nodded.
“I know.”
