Who is Dr. Reid Oliver? Noah felt like jumping up and screaming. He didn’t.
“He’s been important in a very destructive way.” Noah’s eyes were on fire. “He’s responsible for ruining my life.”
“I see.” Was that amusement in the abbot’s eyes? “And how did he do that?”
So Noah told him the whole story. How he lost his sight because of Luke’s distraction and how Luke blackmailed the doctor to help him and how they had affair while he was in the hospital.
“So let me get this right…” the man read his own notes, “You had a relationship with Luke. I assume it’s the Luke Snyder that’s on the list too.” After Noah’s nod, the man continued, “And Luke had an affair behind your back with your doctor.”
“Exactly.”
“While you were under the misapprehension that everything was alright.”
Noah frowned.
“Sort of. We did have some issues, Luke and I. He was very clingy and I needed some space…”
“So you kept him at arms length.”
“Right. But Luke didn’t get the message. He didn’t understand. So I told him we were through.”
“You broke up.”
“Yeah. But not really. You see, that was the only way I could get my point across. Luke was so dense. Breaking up was like a code between us. But we always got back together eventually.”
“So you broke up to make a point. Not really to end things.”
Noah smiled. Finally someone who understood.
“Exactly.”
“Did you tell this Luke about that code?”
Noah frowned again.
“Of course not. That would have ruined the effect. If he knew I didn’t really mean to end it, he would continue his attachment.”
“And this was before or after Luke had the affair?”
“Before, I guess.”
“But you were still friends.”
“Kinda. Luke insisted on helping me. Even after he’d met Richard, he tried to…”
“Richard?” The abbot checked the list. No Richard on there.
“The guy I was dating at that time.”
“While you were blind.”
“Yeah. He helped me a lot.”
“And you didn’t mind help from him.”
“No, he was cool about it.”
“And was Luke cool about it?”
“About what?”
“Richard.”
“Of course not. Luke is never cool about anything. He was very angry with me.”
“But you broke up.”
“Exactly. I had every right to date other guys.”
“Right. But Luke didn’t have that right?”
For a moment Noah just stared at the man in front of him.
“What?”
“Well, what I hear you say is that you broke up, you started dating someone else, but then Luke apparently found someone else and you call that cheating.”
Noah lowered his head. A lot a people had questioned him about that, but they all had been biased, so he never really had taken it very seriously. But coming from a stranger, the words somehow found a way to his brain.
“But the whole Richard thing wasn’t serious. Luke should have trusted that. If he’d really loved me, he would have known that we would be back together again.”
“I see,” this time the amusement was evident, “so even though all your actions are telling Luke that it’s over, you expect him to keep believing in your love.”
Noah shrugged. “More or less.”
“Interesting. So basically you set all the rules, you were not clear about those rules, but still you expected Luke to understand and follow those rules. And he’s to blame for breaking the rules he was not aware of.”
Noah felt uncomfortable. This conversation didn’t go as planned. Somewhere, in some deep corner of his brain, a voice was whispering. Telling him that he should look at his own actions. Take responsibility for his own choices. He really didn’t want to go there, but the voice was relentless.
“Sounds like you disapprove,” Noah muttered and the man smiled.
“I’m not judging. I’m just unraveling your line of thoughts, so we can both start to understand why you’re making the choices you’re making.”
Noah shrugged again. He wasn’t sure he wanted to understand.
“So…this Doctor Oliver. He obviously managed to restore your eyesight.”
“He did.”
“Is that part of why you listed him as one of the five most important people in your life?”
“Not really,” Noah snorted. “As I said before…he played an important role in my life, but not in a good way.”
“Restoring your eyesight wasn’t good?”
“Sure. But don’t ask me to be grateful to that nasty shit. He stole Luke.”
“You said they had an affair. That sounds like a temporary fling. Why didn’t you try to get back with Luke?”
“Luke fooled himself into believing he was in love what that sarcastic dictator.”
“Really?” The abbot looked confused. “So it was more than an affair.”
“I don’t understand what it is. But they’re living together and even adopted two kids.”
“I see.”
“It’s wrong. Luke and I… we just belong together.”
“Why?”
That made Noah look up in surprise. What kind of question was that?
“Why? That was clear from the start.”
“Why? From what you’ve told me, you didn’t make each other very happy.”
“Some things are destined to be. Luke and I were like that.”
“I see. So your commitment to Luke isn’t really based on if it was really working, but on some unrealistic and very undermining notion of being destined to be together,” this time the abbot snorted. Loud.
“That was our life buoy,” Noah protested. “That knowledge was the one thing we always held on to when the drama hit us.”
“So it was about being together, not about what that union offered you in terms of personal growth.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“That the thought of being together was more important than figuring out if this connection was actually working out.”
“It’s nice to be able to rely on someone,” Noah whispered.
“I know. And I have a feeling you missed out on that, growing up.”
The way Noah looked up was telling.
“So Luke was your safety net. Something you could always rely on. But that’s not how the world works. You have to be your own safety net. You need to be the one you can always rely on. So this whole experience of losing your anchor can be a blessing in disguise. It offers you the opportunity to start looking for that anchor in you.”
Noah pulled a face.
“You mean God, don’t you?”
“I don’t, although I’m more than willing to share with you how He can help you to find your way. But that’s not why you’re here, Noah. I’m not trying to convert you. This is not an attempt to make you see things my way. We’re gonna work on discovering how you see things and why. So you can get in touch with your own strength.”
“I’m aware of my own worth,” Noah claimed, looking all self assured.
“Really?” The abbot smiled at the paper in front of him. “So explain one thing, before we take a break. I asked you to list the five most important people in your life. Why didn’t you put yourself on here?”
***
“I still can’t believe you put us on the list without even as much as a raised eyebrow,” Luke snorted, as his hand played with the soft curls.
“Your amazed stare was priceless,” Reid chuckled, enjoying the warmth of Luke’s arm around him.
“Can you blame me? I know your take on weddings, remember? When I asked you to join me at my dad’s wedding a few months ago, you practically screamed a blue streak.”
“I did. But do you also remember that I did show up?”
Luke smiled, thinking about that day. Luke and I are together. Yeah, in spite of all the drama, it had been a good day.
“You did,” he nodded, “and I was very grateful for that…”
“Hmmm,” Reid played with Luke’s chest hair, “That’s not how I remember that day…”
The tease didn’t go unnoticed and Luke softly slapped Reid’s hand.
“Shut up. I don’t even want to think about that anymore… I was so stupid…”
“No, you were not,” Reid smiled. “Frustrating, but not stupid. You didn’t feel ready and you stayed true to yourself. That’s never stupid. Let’s just be grateful we’re past all that.”
They both chuckled, thinking about their recent lovemaking.
“So…you’re totally okay with us going to Vegas to attend this wedding.”
“I am,” Reid nodded. “I do insist on a room with a mirror on the ceiling, though.”
The slap on his hand, he more or less expected, didn’t happen and when he lifted his head to watch Luke, he smiled. The light blush was telling. Luke was game.
“I think that can be arranged,” his blond grinned and Reid nestled even closer. Now he was actually looking forward to this trip.
“So you’re sure you can get a few days off?”
“I’m the top dog over there,” Reid snorted. “Of course I can.”
“Thanks for being so cooperative about it.”
“My pleasure. It will be our first trip together as a couple. We deserve a break in the desert.”
“It surprised me.”
“What? Their announcement?”
“No, the location. I expected them to get married on the farm.”
“They tried that before,” Reid shrugged. “I understand why they want a whole different approach this time. Although Vegas wouldn’t be on top of my list…”
“According to Molly it will be very classy.”
“No Elvis?” Reid faked disappointment, making Luke laugh.
“I don’t think so. But I’ll make it up by shaking my hips just for you.”
“Now we’re talking,” Reid growled, softly biting in Luke’s neck. “Could I get a foretaste?”
And he could.
