Sylicious' Braindumps

….On the road with a brain tumor

118 50th Anniversary day

Written By: Peter - Mar• 15•14

My dear Syl, love of my life.

Today was supposed to be a day of joy and laughter. A big day, celebrating your fiftieth birthday. “What’s in a number?”, one might say. Even you could have said that. But in this case you didn’t. You wanted to celebrate. Big time. With as many people you loved present. Sharing your happiness. Giving them a party as a present. Just because you love them. Because they were there for you. You wanted to give something back in return for their love.

SYL

But life decided otherwise. Life decided, it was time for you to receive. Big time. But as always, there should be a balance, so if you want to receive big time, you need to give big time. And boy, you did give big time: your own life for crying out loud! And boy, you did receive big time as well! I have never seen that much love channelled at one person as I did last year. The air was quivering with love, so to speak. And you let it all in. And I was there to see you enjoy it. Being astounded. Emotional. But most of all cherishing it. All that love.

You received so many messages from people, telling you how they feel about you. And what it was you had done, that made a difference in their life. People didn’t wait for you to die, before they told these stories. No, they seized the moment and told you. On paper or email and sometimes even face to face. You really cherished that. And so did (and do) I. Because there was nothing that could have made me happier last year, then they way you treated Syl. Words cannot describe how happy and thankful I am.

So where I was planning to throw you a big party tonight, life threw you a so much bigger party that lasted almost a year! And if it wasn’t for that still unbelievable and sometimes unacceptable ending of you leaving us here behind, I would be nothing but grateful. But I still have mixed feelings about this all. Call me selfish, but I miss you so much, that it hurts in the most unexpected moments. When I come home and I want to tell you about the great support I get from my colleagues. Or tell you about the house in Scheveningen which we loved so much, that it’s being used in a TV series. Or show you the lovely card I received from one of your friends to cheer me up, even though she doesn’t know me. Or tell you about the regular text messages I receive from a mutual friend, just telling me he’s thinking about me. It’s these things that make me feel you’re gone too soon. There is still so much I would like to share with you. Experience with you. Or just something simple as a kiss or a hug. I miss that. God how I miss that. And I know that there are so numerous big and positive memories, that some day they will take over they pain, but that day hasn’t come yet. I do see those kind of moments, though. Every now and then I have these moments. And they are increasing in numbers. Slowly, but surely. But hey, you know me: by far not quickly enough J But I have to take it one step at a time. And today is such a step. Remembering you. The good stuff. The beautiful moments. The love. Okay, the form may be different that I would like it to be, but that doesn’t have to withhold us from doing it anyway.

So tonight we go out for dinner as we did every year. With the same people. At the same place, the same table even maybe. And I will start with a starter Syl Style: Carpaccio, with a small brown bun with butter and some cucumber. And I will toast on the beautiful memories you helped me (us) create. And on that day that gratitude takes over the feeling that you are gone too soon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBFr43vQiSM

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8 Comments

  1. LuRe007 says:

    ❤❤❤

  2. Annie says:

    <3 <3 <3
    sterkte Peter!
    Denk nog veel aan Syl en jou!!

  3. philly says:

    I miss her.

  4. LuRe007 says:

    Thinking of you and Syl, Peter. Take good care of yourself. xx

  5. anita says:

    Peter,

    Ik wens je heel veel sterkte toe in deze moeilijke maand.

  6. Lure007 says:

    Missing you, Syl…

  7. Daxzia says:

    Hello from Florida, USA. Just wanted to say that I was and still am a reader of Syl’s wonderful soap and, where I found the story wonderful to read, though I only started reading close to when it had to stop, I found her blog just so inspiring. I may have commented on a few of her entries but I never had a chance to interact with her as a fan of her great story. But reading from beginning to end the experience she went through and your own thoughts, I just felt like I should say thank you to both her and you. I’m always considered myself a fighter of just about anything that got in my way, ie bad health, weight, job issues. But over the years, I have tried to embrace the idea that one should flow with life, be more the water instead of the mountain and reading her thoughts on her tumor was…I’m trying to find the right words but can’t. I guess that’s really all I have to say, not wanting to waste your time but I just had to write something to say that I just think how she handled it was down right beautiful, courageous and eye-opening. I hope you keep us informed of how you are doing. Thanks.

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