Sylicious' Braindumps

….On the road with a brain tumor

78 Do what brings you joy

Written By: SYL - Jun• 09•13

Control. When this whole journey started, I realized and shared pretty quickly that control and letting go of it, was at the core of this experience. And it still is, but it’s going deeper than I ever thought and it brings me more than I ever expected.

78

I’m not sure I can put it into words, but the moment I step out the world of trying to have control over end result, I find myself as a kid in a toy store. I feel this strong sense of ‘everything is possible’ . A sense of freedom I’ve never experienced like this. Mainly because there’s no end result involved.

I’m walking around the toy store, enjoying watching what’s on display. I don’t have to own any of it to feel the joy they bring me. I don’t even have to touch them. I can experience. I am the smile they bring to my face. No boundaries. Everything is connected. Everything is cooperation. Everything is win-win. We just need to make the choice to watch every situation like that. And it’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to. Your life, your choices. No wrong choices possible. Do what brings you joy. That’s our birth right. To experience joy.

For me joy is not in fixing whatever I think is wrong. For me joy is in the realisation that perfection is in the process. In the connection. In the faith that this whole jigsaw puzzle offers me a freedom that’s mind-blowing. No boundaries. It’s not about the image and it’s not even about completing an image. It’s the peace of knowing life is perfect and embracing every aspect of it.

That’s an awesome bubble to be in. And sure, sometimes I find myself in another bubble, another emotion. And that’s fine too. It gives me the freedom to wander around the toy store and pick a bubble that works for me in that moment in time.

A lot of images I had about myself don’t fit anymore. That process was already active way before this brain tumour was found. But now it’s like I’m re-inventing myself. Rebirth. With Peter as a solid foundation that allows me to start new buildings. Just smashing down whatever I thought to be true and discovering new structures.

It’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about exploring new levels and allowing your Self and others the freedom to create new structures. To start over with all you know and feel right now.

Just a thought I wanted to share xxx

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